International Women’s Day always makes me pause and wonder. Why do we live in a world that needs a day marked to recognise one gender over another? But when you really look around, you begin to notice something extraordinary happening in homes, offices, hospitals and families every single day.
International Women’s Day always makes me pause and wonder.
Why do we live in a world that needs a day marked to recognise one gender over another?
But when you really look around, you begin to notice something extraordinary happening in homes, offices, hospitals and families every single day.
It's the depth of tenderness that holds our lives together.
Of course men are tender too. Many men care deeply, nurture generously, and hold families together in beautiful ways.
Yet across cultures and studies, women tend to carry more of the emotional remembering and relational tending that simply keeps life flowing.
The one who notices when someone is not quite themselves. The one who reads the bedtime story, answers the late-night message from a friend, prepares for tomorrow’s meeting, and still somehow keeps systems running.
Mother. Daughter. Partner. Friend. Leader.
And International Women's Day raises a fascinating question for me this year.
What exactly is tenderness? Let’s dive in...
Where insight becomes impact
What I’ve been looking at this week…
Tenderness is a word we all understand instinctively. It's difficult to define, yet immediately recognisable.
Tenderness is the tone in someone’s voice when they ask if you are alright. It is the hand that rests gently on your shoulder. It is the attention someone gives when they are fully present with you. Psychologists describe tenderness as a blend of warmth, empathy, care and emotional attunement. It sits within what researchers call affiliative behaviour, the biological system that allows humans to bond, cooperate and care for one another.
This system is deeply rooted in physiology.
When tenderness is expressed or received, several biological changes occur. Oxytocin rises. Cortisol falls. Heart rate slows. The nervous system shifts toward safety.
In one landmark analysis led by Julianne Holt-Lunstad, people with strong, connected, tender relationships had a 50 percent greater likelihood of survival compared with those with weaker connections (PMID: 20668659).
Tenderness is a longevity signal.
Now here's something fascinating.
Tenderness does not appear evenly distributed. Across cultures and studies, women tend to carry more of what's called the invisible cognitive load.
The remembering. The anticipating. The emotional regulation of everyone else in the room.
Many people think tenderness is purely emotional. Yet neuroscience tells a very different story.
Women often have greater activation in the default mode network, the brain system responsible for social awareness, emotional interpretation and future planning.
Functional MRI studies also show stronger connectivity between the prefrontal cortex and the limbic system, meaning the thinking brain and emotional brain communicate more fluidly. (PMID: 24297904).This may partly explain why women often become the emotional architects of families and communities. And whilst this improves empathy and emotional recognition, it can also make women more vulnerable to rumination and mental load.
Which raises another important question. Who carries the woman who carries everyone else?
Tenderness is not only something women give. It's something their biology also needs to receive.
Track it to hack it.
What I’ve been monitoring this week…
Tenderness may sound soft, yet its biology leaves measurable imprints.
When someone experiences emotional safety and connection, three physiological systems shift.
The nervous system Heart Rate Variability reflects the balance between stress and recovery. When tenderness and emotional safety increase, HRV typically rises. Wearables such as the Oura Ring or Whoop Strap allow you to see this directly.
The heart Acts of warmth and care can lower blood pressure and reduce sympathetic nervous system activation. Over time this contributes to cardiovascular resilience.
The brain Many women sleep, yet do not restore. Wearables can reveal whether deep sleep and REM sleep are sufficient to support emotional processing and memory consolidation.
What fascinates me is this. Many high-performing women I see as patients track sleep, steps and glucose. Very few track connection and tenderness.
Yet they may be some of the most powerful regulators of the nervous system we possess.
From knowing to doing.
What this means for YOU…
So here is something I invite you to try today.
I call it The Tenderness Test.
Ask yourself three simple questions. 1. Do I offer the same, tender care to my own biology that I offer to others? 2. Do I allow space for recovery when I am tired, or do I override it? 3. When someone I care about is struggling, I instinctively soften. Do I extend that same tenderness toward myself? Then begin with three small recalibrations.
1. Nervous system nourishment Sixty seconds of slow breathing at six breaths per minute can activate the vagus nerve and shift the body toward recovery. I call this the 6-60.
2. Connection that restores you Not every interaction replenishes oxytocin. Seek the people your nervous system relaxes around. A genuine conversation. A long hug. Unfiltered laughter. These moments become biochemical.
3. Energy awareness Persistent fatigue deserves investigation, not dismissal. Hormones. Iron. Minerals and vitamins. Antioxidants. Heavy metals. Thyroid function. Gut health. Glucose patterns.
Tests will reveal why energy is draining away.
In my consultations I see this repeatedly. When women begin caring for their own biology with the same attentiveness they offer everyone else, something remarkable happens.
Energy returns. Sleep deepens. Mood steadies. Ageing reverses. The system recalibrates.
And if you are reading this and thinking of a mother, sister, daughter, friend or colleague who could use a little more tenderness, offer it to her. Not just today on International Women’s Day. But tomorrow. And the day after that too.
🎯 If you'd like to make decisions with precision based on your personal data with testing and devices that are specific for you, then book a private consultation and let's start to decode your health.
Where you’ll find me… Last week: I've been fine tuning my speaking skills with the Professional Speakers Academy - definitely a place that gives me my oxytocin surge!
This week: I'm speaking at Elite Business Live on Wednesday 11th March. Don't forget you can come along as one of my VIP guests with this link and code PATELEBL - see you there! And then I'm heading straight into the skies off to Africa!
Next week: Delighted to be speaking with The Travel Sisterhood, a community of Female Luxury Travel Designers. We're combining my favourite topics of intelligence, longevity and conscious travel luxury. Can't wait!
A thought to pause on…
“The world often celebrates strength. Yet the systems that sustain life are often soft.
Like tenderness.
Perhaps International Women’s Day is simply a moment to remember this."
Wishing you a wonderful week ahead (that's 168 hours of your Million Hour life!! Dr Alka
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Take the free LQThis article is general education, not medical advice, and reading it does not create a doctor-patient relationship. If something has been going on for a while, please get it properly looked at by your own doctor.